Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
