do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drake has all the answers
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
