if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
