the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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