I accidentally had phone sex last night
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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