wanna go halves on a baby?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
