No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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