So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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