shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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