The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
