I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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