Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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