I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize