There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
