Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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