what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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