She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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