This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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