Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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