I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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