Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
