i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just pee around me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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