capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
