How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize