yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
