You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
