I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
