I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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