nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
