I am spending my child support on dildos
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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