Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
