She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
