You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
