I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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