Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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