swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
