I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just cropdusted the office
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
