Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want nice things and good sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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