thus making me awesome and them whores
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
