did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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