Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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