then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
