you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
