booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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