Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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