remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
