you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
