thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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