I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
