hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
