sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
