If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
