I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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