the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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