Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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