and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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