When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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