I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
