college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
