i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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