My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
