well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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