You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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