i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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