my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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