forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
