I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
