their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
