I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I fill condoms, not promises.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
