I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
