i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
