note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
