i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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