i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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