The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
