I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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