What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
