shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
