i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
