well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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