I just cut my nipple shaving
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
