it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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