Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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