i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had sex on a roof
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
