You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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